you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
