dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
