If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i dont even know how to be here
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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