That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
