I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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