but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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