oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
