I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
