I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
