dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
