So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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