Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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