Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
