saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
