Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
