i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
