A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
