No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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