I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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