I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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