Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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