She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
