His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
