just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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