That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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