i would punch a child for taco bell
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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