i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
