i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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