i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
