Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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