Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
