My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
