U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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