Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
