Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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