Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
