the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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