The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
