Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
