I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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