walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
