U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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