Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
