so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
