She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
