ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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