hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
