Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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