Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
