I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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